I Believe that conflicts create a life worth living. Many people dream of a life with no conflicts or problems, but I think that a life like that wouldn't be worth living. On a warm night this past summer I lay awake on my bed with the window open. I heard two people down the street having a rather loud argument on their back porch. I began to wonder why couldn't there be a world without problems like the one they were trying to work out. Why couldn't there be a perfect world were everybody got along with one another? I wanted to know why life had so many conflicts between people and why the world had so many problems. And then it struck me. If there weren't, my very existence would be Incredibly Dull.
Conflict is what makes life exiting, you never know whats going to happen. If everything went perfectly and according to plan nothing interesting would happen. Everything would be so predictable I believe it would drive everybody crazy. It is natural human instinct to desire something, anything out of the ordinary. If everybody is to act the same and be the same, there should, in theory, be no conflicts. But through socialism its been shown that humans need differences between each other; no one likes being the same as everyone else. It is through these differences that conflict is created. There is a sense of competition instilled in all of us that must be fed. If there is not competition, life becomes bleak and lacks a driving purpose. With no competition there is no conflict. Living a life like this would bore me out of my mind. I found it ironic that I had just realized the human need for conflict as I lay in my bed with absolutely nothing to worry about. I lay there without a care in the world and began to grow more and more impatient with my inability to sleep, a conflict. I should have had nothing to worry about and my human instinct was to find a fault with my lack of conflict.
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Our Will to Win
It is not conflict and struggle that let us sleep with ease as Laine seems to imply. Estranged lovers do not sleep in the same bed easier after bitter and regretted words. Nor do children tuck themselves in and rest well after a bedtime argument with parents or friends. Yet there is admittedly some comfort in coming away from a conflict as the victor, and at times, even as the defeated. We all feel a tinge of vindication when we can prove an opposing argument incorrect. We can also all imagine Laine's Incredibly Dull existence brought about by a life free of any conflict, or any thought. But if it is not the conflict itself we enjoy and take comfort in, it must be some aspect of the conflict.
Conflict can be broken into the tangible and intangible aspects of an argument. The tangible aspects include the verbal and physical actions, the words used, and the resulting versions of each. Conflicts are verbally filled with, at the very least, contradicting words from each side. These are often aggressive, loud, belligerent, and offensive. The result is typically more offensive words, and eventually regret, apology, and awkwardness. The physical aspects of conflict range from closed body language to physical assault. The results of these actions are defensiveness in both parties and possible bodily harm or death, as in war and bar fights. It would appear that the tangible aspects of a conflict are not the desirable sources of peace and easy rest. So we turn to the intangible side.
The intangible aspects of a conflict are the reasons the conflict is fought. (This does of course rule out conflict in the act of self preservation, such as fighting a robber, or defending oneself. These should be studied separately.) Conflict is, at some level, a defending of one's own view point. This can be over direct ideas, such as arguing over politics based on candidates' policies, or over more abstract ideas vicariously through specific ideas. The latter can be understood as a couple arguing over a trivial detail, such as the husband's purchase of a certain type of coffee, which represents a greater idea, such as the wife's idea she should be shown respect by being asked permission to buy items. In either case a conflict will be waged in defense of a specific idea. At the end of the conflict it is not the fight that brings vindication, but the act of defending an idea that one holds to be of value. By simply showing to another that we hold that idea and value it we gain some feeling of vindication or worth. By supporting ideas we add fulfill human purpose. (See Ludlum XII for further discussion on the value of human ideas.)
We do not thrive off worrying about trivial details (did I get the right color napkins?) but instead thrive by correctly supporting our ideas (Will the color of napkins I chose convey the idea of regality/Springtime/humility I wish to convey?). We rest easily at night not when we are filled with worries, not even when we are free of worries, but when we feel we have defended and supported our ideas via that day's actions.
The greatest problems, Laine's observed “heated discussion[s]”, arise not when people have conflicting ideas, but when they falsely perceive such a conflict. Think back to the couple arguing about the husband's coffee. The wife is arguing to support her idea of her deserving respect. The husband is arguing for his idea of his right to buy gourmet coffee. Neither the wife nor the husband disagree with the idea for which the other is arguing. If they chose to discuss a single idea at a time, the husband would undoubtedly support the wife's idea and vice versa. They would leave the “argument” vindicated by not only their own argument, but by their spouse's as well. All without any bitter words or harmful physicality. However, when they falsely perceive a conflict of ideas they leave not only with the vindication from their words and the action of defending/supporting their idea, but also with bitterness, regret, and oftentimes bruises. These latter effects are likely to conflict with their beliefs of “treat my wife kindly” or “never yell”, and lead to a difficulty sleeping, as our minds know we failed to enforce out ideas through the day's actions.
This view does not abolish genuine conflict. There will still be actual ideas in direct conflict with others. This view I present will, however, remove many of the problems in daily life. This will remove the heated debates of the married life. This will allow each person to focus on supporting and building the ideas they hold, without the constant feeling of being challenged by trivial purchases of coffee. Each day people with this understanding are far more likely to rest well, knowing they strengthened their ideas. Laine did not grow impatient with his inability to sleep because his life was conflict free. Human nature does not look for conflict in the still mind. Human nature looks for proof that our actions effectively enforce our ideas. When our actions do not live up to our ideas, or our style of defense of one idea violates other ideas, then we toss and turn. So be mindful that all your actions hold true to all your ideas, and rest well.
Ludlum XII
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